Finding Myself After A Mess: My Story


My story starts November 23rd, 2015. My life turned upside down when my youngest son who was healthy and happy and safe in my uterus swimming around was suddenly and unexpectedly brought into this world. We were unable to find a heartbeat at his 38 week appointment with the doppler. When we did the ultrasound it was a very slow 50bpm. I was rushed into surgery alone while my husband and son were sitting helplessly at home because we were a one car family and I told them to not come to this appointment because I thought it would be quick. Evan lived for 2 days before God spoke to us and told us it was time to let him come Home. So we released him back to God on November 25th. I fell into a very deep and dark depression. But thank God for good friends and an amazing husband who never left my side. I went to counseling, sought out the Lord like I had never before and was put on medication until I was able to function again 10 weeks later and came off it. My coach, Cassie Hickel, is a long time friend of mine and she was with me during this dark time of my life. She stood beside me, unwavering. Offering help and kind words when needed. She also saw how shaken I was. My purpose in life was shaken from the ground up. I needed to find myself again. This is where Team Fit Mom, Girl and Bride found me. I saw Cassie post her pictures after her first phase of this wonderful program. I knew she was doing a program but I didn't know what it all entailed. I also knew she was breastfeeding and I was donating my milk at the time, so I inquired about the safety of it. And without even barely thinking about it I knew I needed this in my life. I needed to better myself. I had hit a weight I never thought I would, I was uncomfortable, I was lazy, I was tired. I was everything all balled into one. The first day I stepped into the gym I was a ball of emotions. I knew that if I had a little 3 month old baby at home I wouldn't be able to do this as easily with my 3 year old as well. I knew I shouldn't be there. Or at least that's what the devil was trying to tell me. I shook it off and got at it. I use to lift in college and I was in shape before kids. But I made excuses like I was too busy or too this or too that. And then it happened. I couldn't finish a work out. I told Cassie and I remember her words very clearly "Girl! I'm sure you rocked it! I couldn't get through a work out at first either and it took me a good 4 weeks before I could finish a cardio! Stick with it. You will do amazing!" And I did. I went back again and again and again. And I could feel it getting easier. I was able to up my weights and I was able to finish my cardio work outs. And before I knew it 4 weeks was up and I lost 14 inches and 10 lbs. I am now in week 8 and I can't wait to see what my last 4 weeks have done for me. I'm fitting into clothes easier. Digging out jeans I thought were lost causes. And I feel more confident. I found my confidence. I found my new meaning and purpose. I have energy to go out and RUN with my 3 year old. He loves that I'm playing with him more and I'm not a lazy log sitting on the couch anymore! Thank you! Thank you for creating something that everyone can get behind. And thank you for the community of people I feel comfortable with posting half naked photos of myself!! ;) I hope my story brought you joy because your program brings me just that when I tie up my shoes and step foot in that gym every morning!