I joined TeamFit in June of 2016. Prior I considered myself an "ok" athlete for growing up in small town Montana. I was always in pursuit of a fit lifestyle but was a little lost in how to get there. As a kid, my family didn't have "wellness goals". At times, it just felt like we had "need to make it" goals. when I went to college I missed being on team sports and the discipline that came with sports conditioning so I found myself in group classes and drop in athletics but started realizing that my body was not as small, coordinated, or graceful as it used to be. This is when the idea of conditioning really took hold for me. I (we as athletes) are always taught that when you practice the right form, over and over, you can often rely on muscle memory or your body will be more able to perform. well, shit. How as a college student working full time going to school full time and not have a bald guy with a whistle yelling at me was I going to "condition"? This began my Gym journey. From there I was in and out of gyms, on and off machines, trying to throw weight but feeling so lost on if what I was doing was enough.
fast forward a few years (and 20lbs) I'm smack dab in the middle of Graduate school and looked in the mirror one day and honestly did not recognize the reflection! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! was one of second thoughts... "this is NOT ok"! So... took the summer off tried some crazy crash diet lost 15 and felt like I might be on track.
fast forward a few more years: HELLO Atkins... (not a good idea) fell off that band wagon super quick. "there has got to be a better way"! Then I read (probably somewhere on Pinterest) about Clean Eating... WHAT IS THIS? And looking back I think this is where my life really started on my true Wellness path. learning about what foods fuel our bodies, what chemicals are in other foods, and what kind of healthy life style I wanted to live. It wasn't easy you see, I am a pretty picky eater and wasn't really exposed to many "good" foods as a kid. THIS WAS HARD.
another fast forward... accomplished some of my professionals goals, married my best friend, in the best shape of my life, and OH SNAP.... I'm pregos. It may or may not have been a surprise (at least that what my parents called it when they got pregnant with me lol). Now, yes, I was a little scared to be a mommy but honestly I work with kids every day and felt pretty prepared for the parenting thing..... but what about my body...what about stretch marks?! what about...what about... what about.... The fear of losing control of my body and physique became overwhelming. The fear, however, was very difficult to talk about. Everyone was so happy for us. For me! I was happy too, but so scared. It latterly took me almost a decade to figure out how to get my body and mind right. to learn how to accept myself and to work hard out side of my high school gym. I kept most of my work out routine until about 4 months in, then it became too uncomfortable. THANK GOD FOR YOGA. I did that 2 times a week which kept me feeling healthy and somewhat together.
After my daughter was born I struggled with post partum depression for almost a year. I remember feeling a lot of loss and almost grief at time when I was suppose to be overwhelmed with happiness. Now don't get me wrong, I was happy to the mommy to my beautiful little girl. What I am speaking too is the moment lots of moms go through when see their baby and know there should be this certain kind of feeling and recognizing the absence of it. I was aware of a lot of things I lost in becoming a mom. Time, strength, freedom, activities I enjoyed doing, and a little bit of my identity. I really didn't know who I was as mom. I felt lost. I remember sitting on the living room floor and crying. Crying because I knew 2 things.....1) something is wrong with me 2) this was not how I was going to keep going. So I asked myself "what do you have control over". And that put me on a mission. I needed to have a "minute" where I could work on me. For me, that was the gym. I had so much doubt though! How am I, a working mom of a new baby, going to fit in going to the gym?! Of course I was in search of inspiration so where do we women turn to for that....FACEBOOK! I came across an old lifting partner from a few years back and she had just completed a fitness photoshoot. I saw it and was instantly annoyed and then motivated. She had 3 kids and worked full time. Now, my excuses were no longer working for me. I needed to know how she did it, so I messaged her and she met me a week later with this ridiculous binder full of workouts. (Enter TeamFit). I said wow, that's great but when do you have time to even do this? she said 5am. I had no words. NO ONE SHOULD BE UP THAT EARLY!. she said she would pick me up. NO ONE SHOULD BE UP THAT EARLY! ok I said, but I need a couple of weeks to mourn my sleep and prepare to die. she said ok.
I knew that this was going to be a big change. I also knew that this was going to impact my family. So my husband and I spoke on a road trip (when he has no escape is the best time for heart to hearts lol) and asked him to commit with me. Not to the meal plan, not to the workouts, but to the time and help I would need to make this successful. He gets it (that's why I married him).
Day 1: puke
Day 2: almost pass out
Day 3: cardio? please no.....ok... almost die
Day 4: cant move
Day 5: wow! I made it! hurts to sit on the toilet but I MADE IT.
week 2 turned in to 3 then week 4 turned into my buddy and my ride breaking up with me to go to another gym (this really was pretty funny how close it was to high school break up). I did good though, kept my cool. Played it off like it was no big deal. "I totally get it" "ill be fine"! All while..... panicking on the inside. I was all alone. No one to make sure my ass was out of bed. It was time to have a serious commitment talk with my self. Week 5 came and I was solo but it was ok. I had a plan. I had a plan that I looked forward to everyday. I had a tribe. A tribe that continued to prove that anyone can achieve their goals. I also had friends that I didn't know I had. There were other women at gym working the plans too. These women have turned out to be some of my biggest mentors and partners. I am now more strong, more fit, then I ever was before. I am not where I want to be but I am not where I was yesterday and, the most important part, I ACCEPT THAT. I AM OK WITH THAT. I know that I have the resources and the will to be as strong and kick ass as I want to be. Thank you TeamFit and Liz for inspiring, motivating, and helping women accept themselves for who they are and challenging them be their best selves. The difference you have made in my life is more then I can ever express in words and for that I will forever be grateful.